so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
