evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
