and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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