I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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