so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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