Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
