so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
