Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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