I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Randomize
