I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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