I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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