I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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