I can text with my tongue
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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