Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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