Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
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Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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