I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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