There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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