mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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