worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
