Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
do herpes really smell.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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