but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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