yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just had sex bonerless
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
