Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
