We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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