You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
