My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
