The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
