Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
