It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
