Don't you send me to vm
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
