I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
