this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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