So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
