some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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