Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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