just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize