But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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