i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ugly people sure do ruin things
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
