So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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