So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
