if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
