mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
