i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Houston, we have a squirter
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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