I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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