How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
