We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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