i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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