so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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