He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
NoShamevember. You game?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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