My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
