I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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