this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am available for nakedness
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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