Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If I die, sorry about rent.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
