I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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