I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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