Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.

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(509): View more from Washington

after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery

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(804): View more from Virginia

I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.

(1-804): View more from Virginia

pants will make it better? really?

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(707): View more from California

Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!

(720): View more from Colorado

True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.

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(410): View more from Maryland

after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian

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(585): View more from New York

I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila

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(330): View more from Ohio

so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.

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