this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
