is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
