i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
