i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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