Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
