My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
