he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
