You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
