you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
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Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
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The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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