I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
