Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
sex in a hospital.. check
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
