If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
