Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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