i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
