I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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