I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
