Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
