So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
